the second person i’d draft, on election day for fantasy league politics (right behind the coach: czar of budget) would be the minister of get-off-of-your-behind-and-do-something. this cabinet position would also be know as mr. cause & effect. in this position, i would draft michael phelps. not because he’s a great athlete. not because he’s won 14 gold medals. not because he’s the greatest olympian of the modern games. no sir. he would be my pick because of his diet. this guy eats 12,000 calories a day! check out this sample food list: for breakfast -three fried egg sandwiches; cheese; tomatoes; lettuce; fried onions; mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes; five-egg omelet; three sugar-coated slices of french toast; bowl of grits; two cups of coffee; for lunch - half-kilogram (one pound) of enriched pasta; two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread; energy drinks; for dinner - half-kilogram of pasta, with sauce; large pizza; energy drinks. doesn’t he realize these foods are unhealthy? these foods cause heart disease and love handles? why does he eat in such an unhealthy manner? because he can. how could he do this and still weigh 187lbs and have 8% body fat? because he got off his behind and did something. every day. cause. effect. you eat this much, you gotta work out hard to avoid the big one and look like a chick magnet. if you spend five hours a day swimming, you can eat this way too. and i bet you’ll approximate the abs of a greek god or goddess within the year. we don’t need health nazis and government regulation of folks’ food consumption. instead, what we need is a shining example of cause & effect, like michael phelps, my first choice for minister of get-off-your-behind-and-do-something!
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