Monday, August 25, 2008

coach's purse-strings

wouldn’t it be fun to put together a “fantasy team” for politics? i’m not sure how you’d do an “election day” or what sort of point system you’d have, what the “positions” would be, or even how long the season would last. but the idea intrigues me. and i know you’ve all put together a fantasy list of who you’d put in charge of what if you were “managing” the “team”. or maybe i’m out standing in my field all alone on this one. but anywho . . . if i were in charge, i would appoint an acquaintance of mine who we’ll call “coach” to the position we’ll call minister of finances. check that. maybe call it czar of budgets. but anyway, coach in real life is a man who is the assistant baseball coach at a university and could really show the collective congress a thing or two about budget control. this is a man who will stop a team bus between two fast food joints and tell the boys to wait in the bus until he gets back from negotiating with the two chains. in one particular instance i know of, the boys all ate taco bell instead of burger king because the taco bell folks would feed the bus drivers AND the coaches free if the team ate there. burger king would only feed the drivers free. now get this. even though coach got a daily meal stipend from the university, he negotiated a free meal for himself. and on top of securing a free meal, he ordered three bean burritos and a drink because that’s all it took to fill him up. the guy could’ve gotten ANYTHING on the menu for FREE! but he didn’t. he got what would fill him up. so, as i sip on the champagne of beers and ponder my ideal political universe, i’d like to toast the coach, the guy i would appoint as czar of the budget on my political fantasy team.

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