Tuesday, July 17, 2007

what a babe!

over the forth of july week, i had a delightful trip to big d to visit my parents, my sister and brother-in-law and the nephews. one of the multiple highlights was to babe’s fried chicken house which is quite possibly the best fried chicken establishment in the free world. at babe’s you can clamber on and off a zebra striped fire-engine or peruse the walls which are adorned with jackalopes, zebra striped swordfish, license plates, and quaint quotes of local color. or you can simply watch in amazement at the bustle of the crowd while you wait for a seat. at babe’s, you can order one of three meats – fried chicken, chicken-fried steak, or fried catfish. after you order your meat, everyone at the table is served all-you-care-to-eat salad (which has the best vinegar dressing ever), black-eyed peas, cream-style corn, mashed potatoes, and biscuits with your choice of white gravy, honey, or sorghum syrup. while you wait for the meat to arrive, if you’re lucky, the hokie-pokie will come on the juke box and the waitresses and whoever else wants to join in will put various body parts in and out and, well, you know the rest. you can always tell which folks are eating at babe’s for the first time - their eyes look like five-year-olds on christmas morning and their mouths hang open exposing salavating tongues sorta like the dog on turner and hootch. no matter how old you are, you can’t help but smile in wonder and delight when the meat arrives. the golden goodness is piled high in an impressive, heavenly fried array of breasts, thighs, wings, and fillets. i’m pretty sure meal time in heaven will be sorta like going to babe’s, only no one will be counting calories or fat grams since we won’t have earthly bodies to worry about anyway. that said, i know the folks in washington are always looking for ways to spread democracy around the globe and i’m pretty sure that if we were to put a couple of babe’s fried chicken houses in say, iraq and afghanistan, and maybe one in the un building, the world would be a better place. maybe not everyone would convert to democracy, but i’m pretty sure most folks could come to some sort of consensus over the best fried chicken this side of heaven.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

God bless america; happy 4th!

environmental shark jumpings

ok, so it’s no secret that i like to call b*!# s!%@ on the folks who want to redistribute wealth via global warming and green theory. but come on . . . at what point is enough, enough? when are logical, reasonable folks going to realize that the wool is being pulled over our eyes. according to an australian newspaper article, entitled “Human Greed Takes Lion’s Share of Solar Energy,” humans are using too much . . . (drum roll please) . . . SUN. according to the article, “The human dominance of this natural resource is affecting other species, reducing the amount of energy available to them by almost 10 per cent, scientists report.” please, God, somebody put me out of my misery with the environmental movement already. or, at the very least, let this be the work of some brilliantly satirical modern day john swift. as for myself, i’m going to oil up like a greased pig and go cut the grass. during the middle of the day. with my gasoline powered yard implements.